Better late than never

I'll never forget the text I received from my dad at 9 pm a few months ago, telling me that he might be undergoing a kidney transplant surgery the next morning.

Being thousands of miles away in New York, I felt helpless because I couldn't do anything besides video chatting with him to see how he was doing. During our call, I remembered my dad telling me no matter whether the surgery was successful or not, he has no regrets in life already because he is proud of raising me as the person I am now. I almost teared up at that moment.

After ending my video chat with my dad, I cried for the first time in a while because that could be my last time talking to my dad. I've always known that our relationship has never been particularly close, but the thought of not having the chance to see him again was devastating.

The following morning, he underwent the surgery, which fortunately was successful. But the experience made me realize I probably only have a limited amount of time with my dad. I'm glad to be given a second chance to start strengthening our relationship.

In this blog post, I want to reflect on my current relationship with my dad and explore ways to build a stronger connection with him. Through my reflection, I hope to encourage others to evaluate their relationships with their loved ones and consider ways to strengthen those connections. Life is short, and it's never too late to make the most of our time with the people who matter most.

My current relationship with my dad

Growing up, I only saw my dad three to four times a year because he had to work in China while the rest of my family lived in Taiwan.

During the few times I hung out with my dad, he would always take me and my brother to buy video games because he wanted to leave us with joyful memories. My dad never really asked me how I was doing in school, and I never asked how he was doing at work. Consequently, my dad and I really don't know each other. Even now, I still don't know what my dad did for work.

After moving to the US when I was 13, I only saw my dad once a year. My mom would call me every week, so she was always up-to-date on how I was doing. However, I don't remember ever talking to my dad on a phone call while I was in school. As a result, my mom and I are super close, whereas my dad and I are essentially strangers. Whenever we see each other now, there will always be an awkward silence between me and my dad because we don't know what to talk to each other about.

I sometimes wish my dad would spend more time with me while growing up, but I understand my dad's sacrifice. My dad worked tirelessly in China to send me and my brother to the US for a better education and more opportunities in the future.

I am forever grateful for what my dad provided me, so I would love to take the initiative to be closer to him.

The ideal relationship I want with my dad

Like my relationship with my mom, I would love my dad to be one of my closest friends. However, I recognize a close relationship takes a long time to build, so I would love to start by getting to know who my dad is as a person.

I want to at least be familiar with him in the short term and see if we can develop a deeper bond over time. I want to learn about his life experiences, challenges, and ways of overcoming obstacles in life. I eventually would love my dad to be an essential member of my support system, someone I can openly share my joys and worries.

What am I going to do?

To get closer to the ideal relationship I want with my dad, I am planning to start with a few simple steps:

1. Send a check-in text to my dad at least once a month: I think the first thing to strengthen a relationship is establishing a regular touch point between both parties. Since I only talked to my dad about once or twice a year in the past, I think interacting with my dad more frequently is the first step to getting to know him better.
2. Visit my parents at least twice a year: I can send many texts and make many phone calls, but nothing beats interacting in person. There's just something magical about being in the same room with each other. Over the past few years, I often prioritized spending time with my friends instead of going home. However, I would love to prioritize seeing my parents more moving forward.
3. Move beyond the surface-level conversation when I interact with my dad: Almost all my conversations with my dad are stuck at the surface level because we mainly only exchange facts. When I asked my dad how he was doing, he would often tell me the status of his current medical condition. To truly get to know my dad, I must know how he feels and thinks. I will ask him questions that delve deeper into his thoughts and feelings so I can genuinely get to know him.

Conclusion

Wanting to be closer to my dad has been on my mind for many years. However, my dad's recent surgery reminded me that time is limited. Although I didn't get to know my dad that much while growing up, I can still start to get to know him now.

By increasing the frequency of our communication and deepening the level of our conversation, I hope to foster longer and more heartfelt dialogues between me and my dad. I don't expect to be a close friend with my dad overnight because I understand that building a solid relationship takes a lot of time. If I start taking baby steps today, I am confident I will eventually get closer to my ideal relationship with my dad.

I welcome y'all to ask yourself: what is a relationship you always wanted to improve?

Feel free to share your reflections, thoughts, or feedback with me @themagichen on Instagram or reach me at themagichen@gmail.com